She is quirky, doe-eyed actress-cum-singer Zooey Deschanel and the product of many awkward boygirlcrushes. Rightly so, She was Trillian in Hitchhiker’s Guide.

Him is amazing, underrated indie folkster musician, Bright Eyes compatriot, singer/songwriter extraordinaire, M. Ward (for president! Hipsters will get that reference.)

Me is someone who digs She & Him‘s pretty, countrified-dinnerparty-folk music.

Me is also someone who also has a crush on She.

She comes on stage, less doe-eyed but deer-caught-in-the-headlights. Is She nervous in the big room? She is a big actress! She can’t be nervous, can She?

She and Him are supported by openers The Chapin Sisters as backing vocalists and egg-percussion-shakers, some other utterly seethrough session musicians and an acoustic guitarist who looks like a cousin of Sprocket on Fraggle Rock.

Him is sorta there. Him is awesome as a musician and has an amazing guitar. Him knows how to play. But Him and She seem to have little to no chemistry. Even through the super-cute “In the Sun”.

Me likes She’s dress. But She still hasn’t really smiled. Then someone in the audience – They – yells the obligatory “I LOVE YOU, ZOOEY” and…

…She sorta half-scowls. “What? I can’t hear you.” And taps her in-ear monitor. And that’s that.

Me thinks…okay, I know it’s the last gig of the tour but shouldn’t y’all be tucking into a bottle of rye, goofing about, laughing and having a good time because the end is nigh?

She doesn’t seem to have gotten that memo.

Him continues to play. Safe in the knowledge that They will still respect him, because quite frankly, Him’s version of Chinese Translation is amazing.

She generally sounds good. She has strong voice and is a wayyy better actress-turned-musician than Juliette Lewis and that little thing from Gossip Girl.

They appreciate that. And continue to yell “I LOVE YOU ZOOEY” in between the pretty songs. But something is not connecting, Me thinks.

She launches into a cover of the Beach Boys’ “Wouldn’t It Be Nice” and They start to clap along.

But she stops the song to tell They to stop clapping because it throws She off.

Me rams my head against the seat in front of Me. But They seem to laugh it off. OH, THAT KOOKY SHE!

Him finally says something. “Hi Vancouver. Are you having a good time?” Him asks, with as much convinction of someone filing forms in triplicate.

And She? What does She say?  “Um, yeah, so we played in Seattle last night. It’s close by. Like, three hours away from here. And before that we were in Portland. Some of you may have been there. Some of the band is from Portland. And so we drove up this morning….and it was fun…” She trails off.

She does not make it sound like fun.

Him is from Portland.

She and Him play more songs from Volume One AND Volume Two, plus a cover of Joni Mitchell’s “You Turn Me On, I’m a Radio”. They seem to like it.

Me likes it, alright.

Him sings, but only once or twice. Him does not sing enough for someone who is cool and has a really great voice.

Me is mainly concerned that there is little charm or charisma in this set. Him and She look bored and unconnected but then…

…She invites They to get up and dance!

The same types of They who wanted to get backstage to give She red roses before the gig (Me knows, because Me was sitting next to the backstage door) politely “rush” the stage to stand near 500 Days of Summer She.

She makes a joke about “Safety first” and that They shouldn’t crowd each other.

Me thinks She might be chilling out as They are now closer to her and out of the plooshy seats. All might be saved!

Me is wrong.

She says: “Umm, can you not use the flashes on your cameras? You know when they say that if you use your flash the artists will go blind? Well, we’re the artists…and we’ll go blind. It’s easy to do, just find the little lightning bolt on your camera and turn it off.”

They laugh. Oh SHE IS SO QUIRKY!

Me rams my head against the seat. No, She is not. She is a bit tetchy. Unfriendly. Nervous? Still. Make jokes about being nervous, then. Anything, She! They love you!

Me no longer has a crush on She.

And Him? Him can stay.

But She & Him?

Me disappointed. \m/