Day 2: I’m Never Drinking Wine Again. Herewith, a rundown of Friday, January 20th of the Weezer Cruise, in all its awesome and embarrassing glory. And if you haven’t already, Read my Day 1 Weezer Cruise Diary, to get caught up. Here we go…
Cabinmate Terri’s and my plan to have “24 Hour Room Service” for breakfast fails miserably as it never arrives. We waste precious outdoor hangover time by waiting in our festy box, and finally bail on the room no-service to go in search of buffet. We leave and see the door of our across-the-hall-mates in Room 2296.
These mysterious Post-It notes had started showing up on the door. By the end of the Cruise, there was, like, 10 of them and we’d never see anybody coming or going… I’m convinced it’s actually deliberate/art, and made coming back to the room entertaining. WHO IS THIS MYSTERIOUS KIMI BOO BOO FUCK!?
We find foods and I rip apart copious French Toast. After brekkie, Terri and I split up and I go wandering. I find Yuck soundguy Lewis and singer Daniel locked in a tense morning stand off:
Apparently the mustard can only move in an L-shaped position when the Ketchup isn’t blocking it.
We head outside for a bit. It’s still sunny. Perfect weather for TATTOOING PEOPLE WITH BACKSTAGERIDER ROCKHANDS.
This is lush Cabinmate Terri – modelling the finest in BackstageRider Weezer Cruise-themed Temporary Tattoo Wear. I also manage to nail a few of our brand-new friends (it’s like summer camp, yo!) with them, and a random kid who comes outta the pool. After a bit of what they call “shenanigans”, Terri and I go round the back of the boat for a wander. It’s FLIP CUP TOURNEY TIME with Philly duo The Knocks!
The Knocks’ Ben Ruttner is wearing a Lance Herbstrong shirt. Nice.
And this one’s in a Canuck tee. I couldn’t resist getting a pic of another fellow maple syrup sipper flippin’ her cup, then drinkin’ her beer. After all, we’re experts at beer in Canada, eh. What we’re not experts in, is dealing with the shitty light beers that they seem to be serving everywhere on this boat.
And after a smoke on the aft deck with Jason from Sebadoh, I ramble over to the main stage to find these guys: THE BEE GEES!
Okay, not really. This is Yacht Rock Revue. They turn out to be the surprise awesome of the trip. An all-70s/80s cover band dressed in pressed-polyester and groovy hair. They do all that cruise rock shit (Hall n’ Oates, Men at Work, Jimmy Buffet, the lot) expertly.
But then it’s time to GET CULTURED! Yes! Terri and I are off to be civilized. Our friends in the Nervous Wreckords are hosting an elegant wine tasting event in the dining room. We’re going to learn about wine and sip and slurp and be all grown up, right?
Yeah, maybe for the first, oh…5 minutes. We arrive and there’s a table full of samplers and some good-looking Nervous Wreckords people sitting by them. That’s Brian with the combined hotness that is Lindsay and Cindy. And after the Spanish Maitre ‘D gets all serious about where wine comes from, Brian gets up to give usTHE REAL SPEECH ABOUT WINE. It’s (intentionally) riddled with historical inaccuracies and we all laugh, and this is because he is funny, not because we’re getting drunk.
And by “WE all laugh” I mean: YAY! YUCK HAVE COME TO THE WINE TASTING TOO! Daniel, Max and friend Sam are sitting at the table behind us. This is going to be a blessing and a curse. Our table and theirs starts to embark on a war of giddiness. We start heckling from the back while drinking two ‘orrible types of white, two meh reds and one decent red. The waiters refill our glasses. Repeatedly. OH GODS HERE WE GO. The nice couple from Oxford, England at our table soon ask to get BSR tattoos, and so do these monkeys:
I cannot overstate how much I love Max and Daniel Yuck. Look, there’s guerilla branding for you! ROCKHANDS AND ROCKHAND TATTOOS! And I love them even moreso when – AND I SWEAR I DIDN’T PUT HIM UP TO THIS – Daniel does this….
BACKSTAGE BELLY! So… what time is it? Let me just check. Oh, it’s HOLY CRAP WE’RE DRUNK O’CLOCK. And by the time a random stranger (Donna!) from Scotland makes my day by actually coming up to me and asking me if I’m the BackstageRider, we’re practically feral. We all sit munted at tables or run around, and I blather incoherently at the Nervous Wreckords video guy, Russell.
Apparently Daniel invited Brian back to his room to hang with all the leftover bottles from the tasting, but then Daniel passed out and Brian left. They both have shows later on…gods help them. And us. We end up spending so much time getting hammered on wine and being goofy that we sadly miss this…
…my boys Bob and Jason from Sebadoh hosted the Cannonball Contest at the aft Lido Deck. I’d wanted to go, naturally, but uh, we totally lost track of time and space….(Thanks to Ramona Clifton for the pic!)
Slurring as we talked, and swaying as we walked, we do bobble our way past Wavves playing in the sunshine. They’re alright, Wavves. For a kind of boring buzzband. Seem like nice enough chaps, though.
Right! Back inside! If we can find inside! What? Huh? Where are we? Oh yeah, we’re waiting for this to finish in the Criterion Lounge…
It’s ROCK BINGO with some band called Free Energy! They’re from Philly too! They play rock music! BINGO!
(Really, we just wanted good seats for this guy, below…you may have read about him here before. He’s called Lou Barlow and he’s playing SEVEN fookin’ shows on the boat with Sebadoh, Dinosaur Jr and solo. This was his first of two solo shows. Look at his smiley face and bare feet. D’awwwww.)
Lou plays a remarkable set for a few reasons (and I swear I’m not just saying this as his good mate):
1) It’s awesome to hear Lou singing acoustically, and away from the squonk of his other bands, much as I love their squonk
2) You can hear a pin drop, though the room is packed. The crowd is just that reverential and respectful, rare and wonderful at gigs
3) He does his aces double cover of Smog’s “A Hit” which segues into his own hit, Folk Implosion’s “Natural One”, as well as “Legendary” from his solo elpee EMOH and a ton more beauties.
4) He gets a standing ovation afterwards, and the next day, the sound guy approaches Lou to heap praise on him. It’s just such a wonderful show.
But during a New Folk Implosion song, “Easy”, the wine and the beauty of the ride, as it were, hits me like a kick to a thickening gut and the beat has gone beaten me up. No-one’s gonna lift me out of this rut. (Okay, okay, I’ll stop quoting Barlow’s “Caterpillar Girl”) I’ve had weird and emotionally rollercoaster-y year, so rather than break down sobbing in the 2nd row of a Lou Barlow show, I decide that going to to the Casino to get more alcohol – a depressant – is a good idea. WOW! WHAT A GOOD IDEA! I return for the rest of Lou’s set, bloody but unbowed.
Which means that by the time the awesome Nervous Wreckords get back on stage in the same room, me and my gig buddies Fiona and Brett are completely fishpaste drunk. But we’re all ready to shake our booties to the NWs, who have shaken off their earlier wine hangover and are bringing the fun rock. Good set, lords und ladies!
Afterwards, I go next door to this little lounge where Sleeper Agent and Yuck are hanging out, and I enter into a rather serious wine-fuelled conversation with dudeman Lee from Sleeper Agent about how, with his knitted cap and beard, he should be in Grandaddy instead. He is impressed by my mention of Grandaddy. I am impressed that someone who is, errr, 20?, knows Grandaddy. Okay, now it’s time for…
Daniel and Max are awake and have slightly sobered up (that’s Jonny, tho, in the ‘fro.) We, on the other hand, have not…
Here’s Brett, me, and Fiona ON THE FLOOR of the Criterion Lounge with Daniel Yuck in the background. (Thanks Donna Nicolson for the pic!) Let me point out that we were all sharing our drinks: Bud Light, umpteenth glass of wine on the stage and see that coffee cup? Fiona managed to smuggle on a full bottle of vodka. Yeah, I was drinking from that too. *barf* Have I suddenly turned 17 again? I might as well have been creating Jungle Juice and skimming off my parents’ liquor cabinet.
But Yuck are wonderful, I know that much. “Tell me when the pain kicks in…” Daniel sings in ” Get Away” and I’m starting wonder if the song’s about what my tomorrow morning is going to be like.
Seems that Nathan from Wavves is also nodding out/along to Yuck. He sits on their stage and expresses the international symbol for “Nice one, lads.” Either that or he’s hitchhiking.
And here’s just a random picture of Yuck’s Mariko, who is so effortlessly stylish and cool. FRINGE DIVISION! Yay, great set, Yuck. But now we need to lurch and fall into walls! Where to next, Brett and Fiona? Oh! It’s 11pm and Sebadoh are playing on the Lido Deck again? Christ, well, we have to go there, yes?
YES. Slightly amazed I manage to take any pictures in focus, really. The next day Lou tells me I was the drunkest he’s ever seen me. I’m not proud, but that’s some achievement. Drummer Bob says he and Jason were wondering if they should stop for a sec to prop me up….but we’re all in the front row, having a great time, woo!
To demonstrate just how stupid messy I was, herewith a totally unflattering and embarrassing video of me taking a picture of Brett and I in the front row of Sebadoh. ONLY I HAD THE VIDEO ON, NOT THE CAMERA. Oh, Mikala, you’re so fucking cool.
OH DEAR, right? Here’s even more rockhands, as Brett and I are joined by Perth, Australia’s very own tattooed awesome lady, Kel, proudly sporting her Cap’n’s hat. Fun fact: Kel’s dog is named Squid Vicious.
Aaaand, yeah, that’s probably a good picture to end on (thanks Fiona Love!), because afterwards we find Cabinmate Terri again, head to the New York Diner for food to line our liquor-addled stomaches and I don’t remember much of that. Except for when the Antlers walked by and I drunkenly bleated at them, while holding my sandwich. Drummer Michael Lerner laughed at me, and Peter Silberman looked scared, I remember that. OY VEY.
Oh and then I go home, drop my pass on the bathroom floor, can’t find my pajamas, and pass out with my contacts in, wake up half naked at 6am confused about where I am and wanting to kill myself. BUT TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY! And it’s COZUMEL!\m/