It is also the time of year to highlight one of my biggest gig-going pet peeves: people who talk loudly at live shows.
This is when it’s okay to talk at gigs:
Here’s when it’s NOT okay:
But bands are fighting back. And while Japanese shirukens are probably the most effective when they make contact with a main artery in the throat, they’re not often employed. So here’s a selection of my favourite SHUT THE FUCK UP videos – really shitty quality videos, but REALLY EXCELLENT SENTIMENT.
Let’s start with the Grand High Poohbah of Shut the Fuck Up, Mr. Mike Doughty.
Now, Doughty may seem really crotchety (he’s had people thrown out of gigs for nattering too loudly) but his entire show is acoustic with a cello, and his banter is actually part of the show. He only comes to town once every year or so. You probably live here. I can listen to your idiocy anytime. So STFU. (Go to 0:28 for the SAGE WISDOM OF MD.)
Then there’s my other boyfriend, Lou Barlow.
Lou sometimes doesn’t mind if you’re chatting politely, it kinda takes the pressure off him, he’s said before. But you know, it’s just a guy singing quietly with a guitar or ukelele. RESPECT, people. If you don’t dig the music, go get a beer and talk back there. Or here’s a novel idea: don’t show up in the first place.
Ah, the Beatles. I mean, Tegan & Sara. “Your screaming is making me feel like I need to take a Xanax.” Yeah, me too.
Here’s Regina Spektor being incredibly politely pissed off. It’s kind of cute:
Not to put too fine a point on it: “OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE” – Roger Waters, in 1977.
Finally, my favourite. Zach Galifinakis, tickling the ivories. He gets right to the point and has my eternal gratitude.
The moral of the story? If it’s THIS BAND, talk as loud as you like. And frequently. And in the front row. Hell, heckle all you like. Your talking will vastly improve upon whatever travesty is happening on stage. If it’s not? SHUT THE FUCK UP. \m/
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