This is an inarguable fact: Scissor Sisters hotness Jake Shears is not meant to wear an enormous North Face rain coat over his pleather/fishnet, open-chested one piece.
He’s meant to be in his undies and jackboots rubbing your love all over his chiselled features, goddamn it.
Anamatronic? Not supposed to be wearing a Stormtech XXXL vest either. “I’m sure this looks fabulous” the stunning glamazon joked as Shears draped it over her to protect her amazingness. “Now I look like a real Scissor Sister. No offence to my lesbians here.”
“Yeah, you do look kinda dykey in that,” Shears supported. The steaming crowd of smiles roared.
No, the Scissor Sisters weren’t meant to be subjected to the Vancouver rains. For a venue that hosts some pretty amazing acts, and is based in BC’s sprawling Stanley Park, Malkin Bowl is a shithole when it rains. Crews rush to cover gear in tarps and plastic and half the stage goes uncovered, slick and utterly dangerous.
Ergo: “I can’t really run and jump as much as I usually would,” apologized Shears, “or I’ll break my hip like a fucking old lady.”
Ergo: The Sisters all (Shears, Anamatronic, BabyDaddy, Del Marquis, a drummer, keyboardist and two ginger back-up singers) ended up playing with/to us from Stage Way Back…
Nevermind. The skies opened. We were soaked. We were cold. Blah blah blah. Who cares.
Because in between, there were lazers, dirty gay nightclub moves, choreographed shimmying, skintight shiny leggings (on Del), an amazing beard (on BabyDaddy) and the best banter on the planet. To wit: “Umm, there’s a real design flaw here” said Ana, pointing to the half-part of the stage that wasn’t covered and “We’ve fucked around up top enough, it’s time for us to show you our tits”, before “Tits on the Radio”. Jake and Ana thanked the crowd for its perseverance despite the fact, Jake said, that the rain and venue “sucks balls.”
The music? The disco/new wave/showtune/club anthems (Nightwork/Laura/Any Which Way/Harder You Get/Running Out/Take Your Mama/Skin Tight/Skin This Cat/Fire With Fire/Nightlife/Comfortably Numb/Invisible Light/Filthy Gorgeous and more, since you asked) sounded spectacular.
And it all ended with an enormous ejaculation of silver confetti. This was the Scissor Sisters, rained down but not out.
Can you imagine what they’d have been like if the skies were clear? The mind boggles. \m/
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